Not much going on

Well, I have to apologize. There hasn't been alot going on with me lately. Will has been pretty nice to his dad lately, so I do not have any poopie pictures to share. It's not hunting season, so I do not have any dead animals to post and I have not played Webkinz lately, so I don't even have any jokes to share. Please come back. I promise to have something spicy for my next post.
I need to make this short, because I have really been studying hard and attending a Linux class, which means that I have nothing interesting rattling around my head. If any of you want to talk about kernels, bash scripts or grep commands, please let me know. Tonya is begging me to not be too geeky and embarrass her, so I had better change the subject.
On a better note, it is almost turkey season so Jackson and I are starting to get excited. I am also proud to say that the babies love to hear gobbles and turkey calls. Maybe they are just smiling because Jackson and I have been strutting around them and making funny noises. Nah, that couldn't be it.

Time To Explain

Let's get something straight. If you are going to read my man blog, you've got to remember the rules this blog was founded on. Nowhere in the blog bylaws are there promises of correct speelling, political correctness, or funny jokes. A couple of posts ago, I enlightened everyone with my newfound Webkinz jokes. I have had several people ask, what I was thinking. My mom even asked me if I had been drinking when I called and told them to her. (I must note that she has never asked me that before!)
Please refer to the post below if you have not read it yet. It seems that every female that reads my blog does not get my joke about the salad dressing. I think the men get it because they expect less from me. Although Tonya doesn't expect much either. Anyway you have to admit that it is a little funny that in the joke, I was embarrassed by seeing the salad dressing. (For you girls that still do not get it, I saw the salad putting clothes on.) See there, now you've done it. There is another great joke ruined by having to explain it. In this case, I don't think that there is much lost.
OK, let's make a deal. If you keep reading this sorry excuse for a blog, I promise to not get any more jokes from Webkinz.

Does Anyone Know How To Clean Carpets?

It's Friday night and Tonya has left me with the kids. She's off scrapbooking with the girls. I usually pride myself on being able to handle all of our kids without Momma's help.

Tonight started out pretty well. I fed the babies their sweet potatoes and the Ashton was begging me to watch hunting shows. After a while, I was actually thinking that the night was going pretty well. Then Will started crying. I figured that I would change both the boys, pour a little milk in 'em and put them to bed.

I could smell that Will had made a present for me, so I laid him in the floor and started changing him. He was wearing a onesy (I have never tried to spell that before.) and some pants. When I took off his pants nothing was out of the ordinary. Then I unbuttoned his onesy and pulled it up his back to give me room to change his diaper. It was then that I noticed that this was no ordinary diaper. When I lifted him back up, I could see poop all over the carpet. He had pooped up his back and I had unleashed its wrath.

Since this is a man blog I am attaching pictures. It was really something to behold. I did not know what to do. During his last blowout, Tonya had tried to teach me how to roll his shirt off so that I would not get doodie all over him. I promise that I tried, but I only got a hand full of crap that was stuck to the inside of his shirt. So now, I have poop on the floor, in my hand and all over the baby and I cannot get his shirt off without smearing it all over him more. All that I could think to do was to drag him onto the kitchen floor to gather myself. The picture below was after about 10 wipes.

At this point I think that I am getting things under control and then the older kids start to gaze at the situation Dad was in. This picture shows Ashton after she had stepped in the evidence. Jackson is on the counter getting his own milk. I can't wait till the twins can do that. Tonya would disagree. Ya' know, forget the milk thing. I can't wait till they can go to the bathroom and I am not cleaning baby mud out of my carpet.

Maybe next time, I will write about something cleaner.

Embarrassment

I guess since we are all friends, I can tell you about an embarrassing moment that I had the other day. At work I went to the kitchen to get my lunch out of the refridgerator. To make the situation worse, there happened to be alot of poeple making thier lunch at that time. When I opened the fridge, I was totally embarassed. You would never believe what I saw in the refridgerator.......

I saw the Salad Dressing!!

:) You may have forgotten that this is a man blog where stupid jokes are fair game.

Much like:

There are three kinds of people in this world. There are the kind of people that can count and the kind that cannot.

Maybe my next post will have a little substance to it. But don't count on it.

Permanent Marker

I had to work last night, so I was off today. It stinks, but I enjoy having the extra time at home the next day to play dollhouse and other girly stuff that I am sure you would like to see pictures of. I let Tonya take a nap, so that means I had all four kids to watch. Jackson had his 100th day of school today, and there they were burdened with the task of getting 100 people to sign a T-shirt that he was wearing. They dug out a handfull of permanent markers that Ashton just had to have. Of course, they fought over them, and I finally diverted Jackson's attention with a hunting show, but I forgot about Ashton. She was quietly doing something in the other room so there was no problem that I could see. Then she comes to show me her masterpiece. She had drawn a face on her stomach with Jackson's permanent markers. I actually thought that it was funny, but I tried not to show it. I then explained to her that it could not be washed off. Then she erupted with an impressive display of screams and tears. (I know that Tonya heard her screaming and crying, but she acted like she slept through it. I recognize this technique because I use it all of the time myself.) Tonya later "awoke" from her slumber, and then I asked Ashton to show her mother her masterpiece. She then explained that it was an accident and that "Daddy let me play with permanent markers." I was totally ratted out. I did not officially let her play with them, but I guess that I could have asked a few questions to find out what was going on. Maybe next time I will do that. Naa...

Jacque Dodd Day

I would like to dedicate this blog to one of the great women in history. It was on January 16th, 1974 that this lady joined the ranks of Betty Washington (George Washington's Mom) and Lucy Maddux (Distinguished Mother of Future Hall of Famer Greg Maddux).....If you do not know who these people are,....."No Blog For You." You are banned from my man blog......Anyway, you may have guessed, I am dedicating this entry to Jacque Dodd. She endured many perils to bring me into this world and yet she still persevered. It's a touching story that includes good guys, bad guys and cowboys and indians. Maybe I will tell you about it sometime.

I did want to share with you what I found in my truck the morning of my birthday.

Yes it is Anti-Monkey Butt Powder. The gift that keeps on giving. It was in the seat of my truck with no name. If you read the label, it really seems useful. They say it will cure any chafing that you may experience. I will let you know how it works. At my age, I might need this kind of stuff pretty soon, so I may just keep it. I am already going bald, chafing may be next. It looked like it had been used a little, but hey, it was free.

I was showered with gifts when I got home from work. I was presented with a drawing from Ashton. It had a rectangle on it that was colored blue. That was all. She said that I needed some shapes. I am not sure what you do with a rectangle, but somehow I still loved it. Then Jackson gave me a Xbox Star Wars game that he just got. I thought that he just wanted me to play with him, but later I found out that he was concerned that he did not have me a gift and he was giving me his new favorite game. That almost brings me to tears in a manly sort of way. Then the twins. This picture says it all.

Wow!! I can't believe that someone actually read my blog. Now I am a little nervous. I have to be honest. I figured about five or six people would even know about my silly little blog, but I never thought that it would ever get over 70 hits the first week. I bet Tonya didn't get that many!! I win!!! Now she will make me put a counter on hers, because she is way to competitive to lose. I will try to be nice to her because she is the best wife in the world. Why, you may ask? I just got back from a 3 day deer hunt in southern Mississippi that my wonderful wife let me go on. (I can't believe she let me go, she's crazy!!) Tonya manned the ship alone so that I could go hunting wiht Brent Jones. I get frustrated when she goes scrapbooking for one evening and she let me go for 4 days. (Man, I am going to pay for that.) She was wonderful, but it was pretty funny calling home. First of all, she made sure that I was packed and out the door last thursday like the perfect wife. Friday, she was still strong and telling me not to worry about them and to relax and have a good time. Saturday, she was noticeably tired and wondering what my plans were to come back home on Sunday. She politely asked that we not take too long. And then Sunday, I did not have to call. She was done. The babies and Ashton were not cooperating at all. She tracked our 7 hour trip back counting down the minutes that her wonderful husband would be home. Not long after I was back home she was nowhere to be found. Where could she be. Both babies are crying and the big kids need a bath. Then, I finally found her. The picture below says it all. Truthfully, she deserves it. I just enjoy giving her a hard time.

Bath Time: Now that Mommy is asleep and I was feeding a baby, the kids decided to get out the bubbles when I sent them to the bathtub. I am all for bubbles. The way I see it is that bubble are pretty much made of soap. The the kids put it all over themselves, and then you don't have to wash them, because they just did it. It's genius. Ok, Moms. I did rewash their hair because I figure that Tonya would wake up and do the squeak test to see if their hair was clean. She runs a tight ship. She makes me make our bed and then she flips a nickel on it to make sure that it is tight, just like the army. Here are some pictures to show how I found the kids after feeding Mr. Wesley.

In this one, Jackson looks like Colonel Sanders. It kind of makes you want some chicken, huh?

This one is kind of gross. I promise that those are just bubble coming out of her nose. I miss being in the tub and snorting bubbles.

For those of you who care about hunting, here is where I went hunting this week. We were hunting on over1400 acres about 2 hours north of New Orleans. It was beautiful. Brent and I were hunting for wild hogs and deer. We were hunting around swamps and pine thickets. After we had already been hunting for a day and walking all in and around swamps, they told us that they had alligators. That's always what you want to hear. I decided not to attach the picture of Brent Jones cryingin the floor in the fetal position with his thumb in his mouth after hearing that. You know that I am kidding, because if I did have that picture, it would be at the top of my blog.

Below are some pictures of our cabin that was 1.8 miles off the road. It wasn't fancy, but it had good food and a satellite dish. What more do you need. We actually did see some deer after it took us 2 days to figure them out. Once we found out what they were doing, I passed up a nice 7 pointer and Brent had a couple of 8 pointers that were not quite big enough. Maybe we will get them next year.

Well, you may notice that I like my blogs like I like my books. They should have lots of pictures. Thanks for stopping by.